Thirty-sixth @ 12:31 a.m.
verdict vs. feeling

[This empty bottle.]
An uninhabited soul tries too hard to be witty,
Fails and fumbles through darkness
To try and radiate light,
(To make this right)
The sound of swallowing everything I can’t chew,
Her voice on the phone:
And the reverberating vacancy chiming hollow in my eyes-
Bottled emotion satisfyingly smashed against the curb,
Shattered and opened a floodgate of feeling,
I poured myself into your cup,
You sipped me in and spat me out,
I felt the texture of your tongue,
Hands tied behind my back,
(I can see you.)
This is : the way it is,
Me vs Myself-
Your words I precariously crave,
Needing/thinking/wanting to believe-
Generalizing the this and that-
I used to be naïve.
Guilt is a verdict,
(you're the judge)
Not a feeling.
That’s why I wait for
Those three little dots
To describe the waiting
The not knowing how to explain
The wanting
Knowing
Needing
Growing…
Change is the only constant
[only] [always] [never]

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goodbye - 2005-08-09
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happy birthday to me - 2005-02-06
toolong - 2004-06-10
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